sweet farewell "Baby," I said as I gazed at her, "you're beautiful." I touched her lovingly. "You and me, baby, we've been good together. You gave me the best years of your life, and I gave you the best of mine so far. It's because of you that I am who I am today. Everybody loved you, and they like me because you belong to me. Lots of people would've killed to have you, but you stuck with me. You're everybody's friend...and to me, you're even more.
"Now I've reached a new stage in my life. I'm getting older, moving on...and so I've found someone new. Different than you, baby; different, but not better. I really can't compare the two of you. I don't know the other yet, not like I know you. Sometimes it's even hard to believe the new one really belongs to me. Gonna take some getting used to.
"I'll miss you, baby. I'll miss your smooth good looks, your dark beauty, unlike any other I've met. I'll miss the way you sound, the way you feel...
"You deserve better than what I gave you. I was selfish and even careless sometimes. But you never complained. I hope you'll be happy, away from me. It's better this way, baby, really it is. Just don't ever forget me. I'll come back and see you sometimes. It'll be just like it used to be, you and me together.
"You're beautiful, baby. Don't ever change."
And then I closed the garage door behind her for the last time, and removed her key from my keyring. Best car I ever had....
:: Kat 12:56 PM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, August 27, 2003 ::
you spin me right round Sweet Jezebel offered to interview me--well, not me specifically--so I took her up on the offer. It's rather an amusing little deal...here are the rules if you're interested:
1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different.
3. You will update your journal with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So here were Jezebel's questions for me....
1. Do you think girls often need to have a boy in their life to feel complete?
Some girls do. You know the ones I'm talking about, the girls who always have a boyfriend and mope around when they're between romances. Well, I'm assuming they always need a boyfriend because it makes them feel complete...I don't know from personal experience. Not that I have license to condescend to them, because while I've never really been one to go looking for a boyfriend, I'm not without lonely moments (especially late at night--something I have dubbed "1 am Syndrome"). But, generally speaking...some girls are more in need of male companionship than others, based on personality, but if you think about it...we're made for pairing up, right? I mean, that's the point of "male" and "female". My, that's an interesting thought...sure you can have a perfectly rich and fulfilling life without a partner of the opposite sex, but is it really complete? Listen to me get all philosophical....
2. What would you be more willing to give up? TV or the internet?
Most definitely TV. I only watch it when I'm bored, or if I'm with the girls in the dorm, watching Friends and Will and Grace, etc...or if I'm tired of the Internet.
3. What is the earliest acceptable age for a girl to lose her virginity?
I am of the belief that virginity should be preserved until marriage, so that could vary, I guess. I mean, some cultures marry girls at the age of 12 or 13, right...? I don't know enough about those cultures to pass judgment, so...there you go.
4. When out and about, do you go to the restroom with your friends of by your self?
Hehe..it's some kind of theorem or law of nature that females always go to the restroom in herds, yes? I guess I do usually go with other girls.
5. East River or West River?
East! Hehe..most of you won't get it..sadly, it even took me a second to recognize the context, and then I remembered I told Sweet Jezebel I'm from South Dakota too.
:: Kat 12:57 AM [+] ::
morning's delicious embrace
deeply streams down my wet crap melon
bellow when you remember me
in that magic naked voice
perhaps a fish woman
bluish and secret
almost like candy
throbs over fire
ghost kiss yesterday
cold as steel flowers
:: Kat 12:53 AM [+] ::
:: Sunday, August 24, 2003 ::
intelligent life forms? Okay, all the blogs worth reading are right there on my side column. That's all of them, seriously. The Recently Published list has nothing to offer anymore. (I suppose blogs linked on the sites that I have linked are probably worth reading too...but I'm still right, because those are indirectly linked here...)
Spontaneous, yes definitely. Crazy, like no other. Adept at slacking--I've got it down to a science. But guzzling beer? Guess I'll have to work on that....
I was thinking of changing my subtitle to the quote, "In Night begot, and kin to things of Night,/ To [myself] almost unknown, to others quite," from Faust, which I finally finished reading. It would fit better with my title..but it sounds kind of ominous. And if I remember correctly, the line was spoken by a witch in the play. I am not a witch.
:: Kat 11:17 PM [+] ::
:: Saturday, August 23, 2003 ::
caution: wide load Oh man..I have so much to think about that I can't write it all. It's just way too much; I'd be here forever. Just this: 1)Isaac is becoming a better friend than I ever thought he'd be, and 2)I need to ignore any romantic notions toward any guy for a good long time. Not because guys are trouble, or jerks, or any crap like that, but because I'M trouble. I mess stuff up. Bleh.
:: Kat 2:21 AM [+] ::
:: Thursday, August 21, 2003 ::
just for kicks and squiggles I'm curious--what do you think I look like? I mean, I've noticed that many people have webcam pictures on their sites, but since I'm sadly technologically deprived, all you have is my words. It's like reading a book and having a vague picture in your head of what the characters look like, and then comparing it to the picture on the cover of what the artist thought they should look like. So, if you're a regular reader (all, what, like two of you?) and you have a second, tell me what I look like based on what I write. And hey, if you just stumbled onto my blog on accident (all...well, maybe a half...of you), you can give it a shot, too.
:: Kat 2:52 AM [+] ::
three cheers for old friends I love road trips. Even relatively short ones. I've always said that someday I'm just going to take off, to start driving and see where I end up. Once I thought it might be interesting to fly to a new city, a rather large one, and see if I could get a job in the airport as soon as I stepped off the plane. Then I'd go find a place to live and eventually a better job, hang around for a few months and see what there is to see, and then when I feel like it, fly to a different city and start all over again. I think if I'd been born maybe a century earlier I would have been a gypsy.
H'ray again, for a different old friend (besides the ones I saw tonight): Cameron is in town. He called while I was gone tonight, which I'd thought he might. Hopefully I'll see a lot of him this weekend.
inspired I'm almost done reading A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken. It's already on my recommended list; it was by the time I'd finished the first chapter. The author is incredibly articulate, and I fell in love with him and his wife as a couple right away, because on the night they first met, he mentions that she finished one of his quotes. I've always said that if I ever fall in love, it will be with someone who, someday, replies to my quoting Shakespeare with another Shakespearean line. Besides the story of quite a singular couple--I'm usually not much for love stories, but these people go about it so deliberately--this book really makes you think.
Partly under the influence of Vanauken, who is a great lover of poetry and mentions several classic books in A Severe Mercy, and partly after realizing that there are a whole heck of a lot of classics out there that I've never even thought about reading, I've decided that I'm going to go a whole year reading (for pleasure, not counting textbooks and the like) only classic books. I'm going to have to figure out how to define "classic", probably it will mean they have to be published before a certain decade or something. And this also means I'm going to have to finish all the David Lindsey and Sue Grafton and whatever else I want to before the end of the year. But I really think I'm going to do it. My friend told me it's a stupid idea, but she doesn't understand. It's a worthwhile goal, however eccentric. I told her, "There is more than one way to burn a book, and the world is full of people running around with matches." The year 2004 is hereby dubbed "The Year of the Classics".
:: Kat 12:30 AM [+] ::
:: Sunday, August 17, 2003 ::
uhh... Attempting to add comments feature....
It works! I rock my world!! Okay, but the caption (Are you up late?) is super retarded, so help me think of something more better, eh?
:: Kat 11:17 PM [+] ::
ditch the logical Aww, sweet! This is the third time in as many days that I've turned on the TV and Pride and Prejudice has been on. And I haven't even had to watch any of the same parts over.
A guy just told me tonight that I have "mad driving skills", i.e., I don't drive like a girl. Haha, that's awesome. I love it.
I also love "Flake" by Jack Johnson. I heard it on the radio today, and just now I looked up the lyrics. I never even knew who sang that song. Who's Jack Johnson? Plus, I think "Here's to the Night" by Eve 6 is my theme song. Well, that's probably not good, cause it's basically about a one-night stand. So I take that back, it's not my theme song. But I could have written it, really I could have.
So denied, so I lied
Are you the now or never kind?
In a day and a day, love
I'm gonna be gone for good again
Are you willing to be had? Are you cool with just tonight?
Here's a toast to all those who hear me all too well
Here's to the night we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon
Put your name on the line
Along with place and time
Want to stay, not to go
I wanna ditch the logical
All my time is froze in motion
Can't I stay an hour or two or more?
Don't let me let you go ("Here's to the Night", Eve 6)
:: Kat 3:04 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, August 13, 2003 ::
the young and the guileless Today I was super bored at work and not in a serious enough mood to pick up Faust quite yet, so I started reading a YM magazine I found under the counter. I remember when I thought magazines like YM and Seventeen were the coolest...now they're just full of fifteen-year-old dramatic drivel. Well, I guess they always were. But the embarrassing stories aren't even amusing anymore. "Ohmigosh, my 'friend' told my crush I liked him!!!!" I hope there aren't any fifteen-year-old girls out there who really take this stuff seriously. I mean, "Punked-Out Ski Bum" really should not be a fashion trend. Yikes.
:: Kat 10:46 PM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, August 12, 2003 ::
pirate to demon I'm reading Goethe's Faust. I think if they make it into a movie, Johnny Depp should play Mephistopheles. I'm not sure about Dr. Faust yet.
Hahaha: "I'm just playing the field as far as romance goes. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only team that bothered to show up." (Eternal Misery Parade)
:: Kat 10:28 PM [+] ::
:: Sunday, August 10, 2003 ::
pale purple Whoa...do you ever read something, or hear something, and suddenly get a flash of nostalgia, like you've been reminded of something, a good memory...but you just can't figure out which memory? Suddenly I remember a mood, a feeling, without being able to connect it to the proper event or time period.
Blast..forgot what else I was going to--oh yeah.
I've never listened to much John Mayer besides what they play on the radio. I like those songs a lot, and I even have a bunch of John Mayer downloaded. (Don't tell the feds.) So, at last, I listened to them tonight. I've heard that every woman is in love with him because he supposedly "understands" women...I can see why they say that, cause he's all romantic and ish, you know, the kind of stuff girls like. But after the first two or three songs, they all sound kind of the same. All he writes about is love and..you know..its accessories. There are lines I like in all his songs, but just the fact that everything he writes about is romantic and stuff... I'm pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy one of his concerts as much as I'd like to, cause I like his guitar playing, but I wouldn't be able to stand the swooning female fans who all want him to not let their head hit the bed without his hand behind it. I wonder what he's like in real life. Has all this gone to his head until he thinks he can charm any woman he wants? He's really not all that good-looking. I used to think he was pretty cool, that he was poetic and stuff...I think I got sucked in, along with millions of other females. Sure, he's poetic, but I think I sense some non-genuineness. Gah. I'd say I probably wouldn't like him, if he wasn't a celebrity and we met in real life, but I think I'd be kidding myself. I'm really getting sick of doing that. I'm telling, pretty soon I'm going to have to do something about it. And then the buildings will start blowing up.
:: Kat 1:26 AM [+] ::
I wish this guy had an email address.
:: Kat 12:45 AM [+] ::
no, really I am the worst kind of rebel! I drive in through the parking lot exit!!!
:: Kat 12:36 AM [+] ::
:: Friday, August 08, 2003 ::
bookwormish I've decided to try to compile a list of...
books of summer 2003 Zion Chronicles series, Bodie Thoene
Zion Covenant series, Bodie Thoene
Anna Karenina Leo Tolstoy
An Absence of Light David Lindsey
A Cold Mind David Lindsey
Animosity David Lindsey
The Industry of Souls Martin Booth
The Obsession of Emmet Booth Martha Albrand
A Painted House John Grisham
Skipping Christmas John Grisham
The Summons John Grisham
The Chamber John Grisham
The King of Torts John Grisham
'E' is for Evidence Sue Grafton
'F' is for Fugitive Sue Grafton
'G' is for Gumshoe Sue Grafton
'H' is for Homicide Sue Grafton
'I' is for Innocent Sue Grafton
'J' is for Judgment Sue Grafton
'K' is for Killer Sue Grafton
'L' is for Lawless Sue Grafton
'M' is for Malice Sue Grafton
Kiss Me Again, Stranger Daphne du Maurier
The Scarlet Thread Francine Rivers
Whacking Jimmy William Wolf
Well, that's all I can remember right now, maybe I'll add on later. Before you accuse me of being a recluse who never sees the sun, I must tell you that my summer job is very conducive to the consumption of so many books. I just sit there, and they pay me to read. It's really terrific, if a little boring at times. I seem to be on a detective/murder mystery binge lately...even the random books I pull off the shelves are all that genre. I must be drawn to titles characteristic of them. I know there's a shocking lack of classics in that list; I'm working to remedy the situation. I just checked out Goethe's Faust today. Anna Karenina also counts for some major culture points, cause it was large. Anyway, I've been grateful to be able to satiate my literary appetite this summer, since I had precious little time to read for pleasure during the school year. I expect this year will be much the same. Ah well...I'm stocking up now.
:: Kat 2:17 AM [+] ::
:: Thursday, August 07, 2003 ::
try it, you'll like it Download 'em now:
"Honey and the Moon" Joseph Arthur "Sweet Honey" Slightly Stoopid
:: Kat 10:22 PM [+] ::
you don't have to take MY word for it... I just finished The Industry of Souls by Martin Booth. Chalk yet another one up to pulling books at random off the library shelves (mostly based on which titles intrigue me); this one was good. Having just finished Anna Karenina, an undertaking to say the least and a hodgepodge of Russian names and surnames and patronymic names, I was somewhat daunted when I started Booth and realized it was another Russian. Also, the main character (it's written in first person) was in a gulag, a Russian concentration camp. I'm almost as soured on concentration camp stories as I am on pioneer stories. (Living in South Dakota, in the middle of the prairie, good ol' Dakota Territory, I was inundated as a little girl with Little House on the Prairie. Liked it then, rather oversaturated now.) But I stuck with it, and it paid off. By the end of the book I was good friends with the main character (although his resigned, rather stale cynicism about God depressed me, because he was such a nice man otherwise). I like to imagine what I'll be like when I'm 80, so it was interesting reading this 80-year-old man's thoughts looking back on life. Plus, he assimilated himself into another culture, adopted a new country, another cherished idea of mine. I want to be a "world citizen", at home anywhere and everywhere, speaking numerous languages, having a favorite place in every nation's capital. But I digress. I'm also, by the way, still reading David Lindsey's stuff. I read A Cold Mind right after An Absence of Light--let me tell you, the villain in that book is the creepiest character I've ever encountered. Just yesterday I finished Animosity, also very good, even insightful. Lindsey has quite the knack for picking unique subjects and creating unique characters.
:: Kat 1:07 AM [+] ::
:: Wednesday, August 06, 2003 ::
survey no. 39483857 ...and still counting. I have to be in the right mood (bored) to do these, but here we go again.
Start Time: 2:33 pm CST
Full Name: Sydney Leighton Taylar
DOB: May 5, 1983
Height: 5' 4''
Weight: Honestly, I never know exactly...somewhere around 135ish.
Sex: female (I'd be witty with this one, but you've heard them all before!)
Hair Color: mahogany
Eye Color: grey green
Where do you live: South Dakota, for the summer...not too much longer!
Zodiac sign: Taurus...although that means nothing to me.
Siblings/Ages: Oh, there might be some around here somewhere...
Best friend: Well, now that's difficult...it has to be two--Mary and Kim. There's no way around it.
Do you smoke: no
Do you drink: Once in my entire lifetime, believe it or not! Not a teetotaller though, really.
Do you do drugs: no
Do you believe in God: definitely
Do you believe in love at first site: Haha! How ironic, given my current webmaster fling. Why, yes, I do believe in love at first site! Love at first sight..well, yeah, I'd say I believe in that too.
Favorite car: The Explorer I JUST BOUGHT TODAY!!
Favorite color: silver, black, blue
Favorite food: cinnamon rolls, fresh summer fruit
Favorite animal: black panther
Favorite scent: autumn, new books, new houses
Favorite sex position: hahaha...
Favorite dental floss: Glide
Favorite soda: currently Cherry Coke
Favorite candy bar: Snickers or Reeses
Favorite fast food: Arby's
Favorite movie: Gone in 60 Seconds, Almost Famous, That Thing You Do, Top Gun
Favorite music: Jazz (Miles Davis!), Norah Jones, Hootie and the Blowfish, DMB, Simon and Garfunkel, Third Day (lots of acoustic type stuff..I have my punk days too, and I did the Eminem thing for a while a couple months ago). I like everything, really, but not so much the hard rock. It makes me laugh mostly.
Favorite restaurant: Applebee's, Olive Garden
Favorite T.V. show: Will & Grace, Friends
Favorite alcohol beverage: ha.."favorite" is relative..Mike's Hard Lemonade
Coke OR Pepsi: Pepsi, unless it's cherry or vanilla Coke.
Peanut butter OR Jelly: peanut butter and honey
Shower OR Bath: shower
Brussel sprouts OR Alfalfa: alfalfa...I think
Day OR Night: *see title of blog
Shy OR Outgoing: outgoing and laid back
Guys OR Girls: Ugh, the ambiguity! For what? Well...both, please.
No phone or No T.V.: no TV
Summer OR Winter: summer
End Time: 2:53 pm CST
I deleted a bunch of questions cause I got bored....
All right, that's enough.
:: Kat 4:01 AM [+] ::
:: Tuesday, August 05, 2003 ::
stranger things have happened You're just not convincing, John. You're like an American in a British movie. (To Catch a Thief)
Good movie, although I haven't seen all of it. 1955, Carey Grant and Grace Kelly. My mom loves it.
Such a strange species, humans. What makes us think any of us really knows what's going on? One minute you think you have things figured out, and next time you turn around they're all reversed and look nothing like they did when you left. I'm not disgruntled, by any means, just observant and amazed.
Two years ago I would have loved for Isaac to talk to me as much as he does now, to show as much interest in maintaining a friendship rather than leaving me hanging, never knowing what he'd do next. Actually, that's probably precisely why he didn't show interest back then. As much as I'd like to think I was cool and collected, I probably wasn't very subtle about my attraction. Now, two years and a lot of experiences later, he's the one doing all the initiating. He actually sounds like he needs me sometimes, something I thought I'd never in a million years get from him. We've both changed, for sure. I'm far from complaining; I'm enjoying finally being friends with him and feeling like his equal. I'd still like to be able to read his mind though.
And then we have Don. Timing is another crazy manipulator of relationships. It seems to be mocking me when it comes to Don. I liked him...I quit liking him...his best friend liked me...I thought I liked his best friend but then decided I was wrong...I haven't seen either of them in two months and now Don's showing all kinds of interest. In what, however, I'm not exactly sure. At least it sounds to me like we're on the same page...I'm still reluctant to be completely open with him though, the way I might if it were some other guy. I'm reluctant to make myself vulnerable to him, partly because I know he's capable of extreme disdain and I don't want to be the subject of it, and partly because it's flattering to be thought highly of by him. I think we both assume we'll hook up when I get back there, but I'm going to let him start it. No way do I want him holding it over my head someday that I came onto him. I'd hope he wouldn't use something like that against me, but I don't know for sure that he wouldn't. I don't know exactly what he thinks of me, how "worthy" he considers me. Ah, complexity, thou art a monster which tangles my thoughts!
Hmm...what WOULD my life be called if it were a movie? Remind me to think about that some more later...
:: Kat 12:10 AM [+] ::
:: Monday, August 04, 2003 ::
purely vile I am the kind of evil person your mother warned you about...I eat all the M&M's out of the trail mix and leave the raisins for the next person!
:: Kat 11:17 AM [+] ::
:: Saturday, August 02, 2003 ::
yo ho ho and a bottle of rum I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl last night with my friend Isaac. The movie I heartily enjoyed. Orlando Bloom (yum) makes a pretty good heroic-type human, although he was still more appealing as an elf. Johnny Depp (yummer) makes a terrific pirate. The perfect rogue. And even though he was the kind of bad guy who does a good deed so you feel better about liking him more than the good guy, it wasn't all cheesy or anything like that. Also the soundtrack was very impressive. And then I found out there's another scene after the credits! Had I known, I would've stayed.
After the movie Isaac and I went to the furniture store where he works. It was almost 1 am, but he wanted to get some more work done. I helped with some filing, and then we went and chilled on a couple of the couches on the sales floor. I was thinking, here we are in a bloody furniture store, for goodness' sake--the whole place is full of beds, couches...just the two of us, at 2:30 in the morning. Any other guy and I'd be getting all kinds of ideas in this head of mine. Well, actually I was getting all kinds of ideas, but I'd never act on them with Isaac. He's not that kind of friend...which is a good thing. Isaac is...not easily described in a blog.
I can't wait to get back to GR.
"This is either madness...or brilliance." "It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."
But why is the rum gone?
Stop blowing holes in my boat!!
:: Kat 12:16 AM [+] ::
lions and tigers and bears Eric read my mind again. See, I'm not the only one who can be accused of being "mean and impatient" just because I expect people to have a little common sense. Why, by the way, is it called common sense, since so few people seem to possess it? I mean REALLY.
I work at a place called Storybook Land, which is a lot of fun to tell people who don't know what it is, because it sounds like I made it up or something. Really it's a glorified playground with a lot of statues of fairy tale characters...sounds thrilling, I know, but hey, my tiny town is famous (relatively) for it. Anyway, we get a LOT of tourists coming through, and I think tourists are an ESPECIALLY dumb category of humans. (Just to prove I'm not self-righteous, I'll admit that I've probably committed several acts of stupidity while a tourist myself.) The tourists can never seem to refrain from commenting on either how much my job sucks and I must be bored sitting there (I sit in "Dorothy's house"--you know, the one from Kansas--and direct people through the "tornado".) or else how great my job is because I sit in one of the few air-conditioned buildings in the park. Now, come on, you don't ask the people at Target whether they're sick of wearing red and khaki, do you?
The tourists also like to comment on my "homework". Exhibiting rare observational skills, they notice that I have a book on my lap. Sadly, their reasoning skills aren't polished enough for them to realize that odds are I'm not doing homework in July. Also--surprise surprise--not all books are related to school! Some people read for fun!!
Probably the best way for the tourists to showcase their idiocy is the classic question, "Is it [the house] open?" What I'd like to say is, "You know, I'm glad you asked. I understand it can be kind of confusing, seeing as there's a neon orange OPEN sign directly above my head, and another sign right over there that says we're open daily from 11-8. We're actually closed, but we keep the door unlocked, so they pay me to sit out here in my Park Staff shirt and keep people out." What I usually say is nothing; I just nod, lest some of the above response leak out.
My all-time favorite question from the tourists, however, still must be, "Are you Dorothy?" Clever, clever tourists. What will they think of next?
:: Kat 12:01 AM [+] ::